captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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