I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
