I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
