So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
