I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
