Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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