I feel great
I just peed on a car
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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