I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
