Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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