your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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