Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
