at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
You may now shotgun with the bride
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
