Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
