Your tits are I can't wait for
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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