dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
