Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
