the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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