i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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