My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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