In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
