Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
God I need to hump something, right now.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
