he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
