We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
