I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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