I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
