You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
