Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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