you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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