I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
