i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
