sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
The uberlube is also flammable
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
