I wish I could punch you in the face.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
