Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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