I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
