he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
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