A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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