never play flip cup with pint glasses
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
