sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
