shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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