chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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