Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
