I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
