Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
