just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
there's paper in my vomit.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
