Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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