I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
