Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
