there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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