he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
