Barsexuality is the new black.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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