This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i dont even know how to be here
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
