Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
