I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
