I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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