adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
