dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
