just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
