I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
